Wednesday, July 12, 2006

My old "friend" FEAR

It's funny how no matter how many times you kill him - the "old man" always finds a way to come back. (For the record I'm talking about the spiritual "old man" and not a crude reference to my dad!).

For the last 3 1/2 months, Franco and I have been planning for our wedding, but more importantly, for our marriage. We've taken the incredible marriage courses that our church offers and have spent a lot of time discussing our hopes and dreams, and talking about all the amazing things that we are looking forward to. We've also discussed how we both come from different backgrounds and how that will play a big part in learning to adjust to life together. But before this past Sunday, we had never really sat down and talked about our fears or worries as we walk into this wonderful but completely life-changing event. Now, Franco and I both know that fear and worry do NOT come from God, but rather from our own weaknesses and at times, seed that the enemy has sown into our hearts and minds. Because we know this, I think we both just fought those thoughts in our minds, battling them on our own - most times without really noticing or thinking about it.

However on Sunday evening, we unexpectedly had a few minutes to ourselves and somehow the topic came up. It was a difficult (and at times painful) discussion to have, being honest about my own fears and worries and hearing Franco being honest about his. For myself, the fear of not being the wife that I desire to be, and more importantly- not being the wife that God has created me to be. The worry that I will fail in this incredible task that God has created me for and in the process, letting down the 2 most important people in the world to me, Jesus and Franco. It was painful as I said, but also freeing at the same time. When we were done, Franco took my hands and prayed. And the "peace that passes all understanding consumed our hearts and our minds". What an incredible feeling. We didn't have any answers that we didn't already know, but in speaking it out loud to each other and laying it at the feet of our loving Father, released us from the bonds of fear and it was replaced with peace and joy!

What an incredible God we serve! Fear is based on lies, and God's truth will set us free from the lies AND the fear. I don't have to know all the answers right now, I don't have to know how to handle every new experience that is headed my way, I just have to trust in HIM, "lean not onto my own understanding but in all my ways acknowledge HIM". What else can I say? Even now my heart is lifted up and filled with joy and I have to hold back the tears. GOD IS GOOD! And his plans for me are good, and that is all I need to know!


p.s. - 17 more days to go until I'm Mrs. Dana Gobbato!

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