These past few weeks have been somewhat difficult for me. For reasons unknown to me..I’ve been struggling with a lot of past fears and insecurities. Certain things would happen and I would all of a sudden be consumed with hurt and despair and no matter what I would do...it wouldn’t go away for hours at a time. Because of all that...I was getting really frustrated with myself and with my inability to break free from it. Which definitely didn’t help the situation at all. I was really confused at why these fears were still there because I had gone through counselling when I was 18, as well as gone to 2 Encounter weekends. So I was not only aware of these fears being there..but I desired very strongly to get rid of them and I believed that they were gone. So I was surprised and frustrated to realize that they were still there. In talking to a girlfriend - she told me that she believed that the roots of these fears had definitely been destroyed and that maybe all these things were coming to the surface because it was now God’s timing to get rid of them once and for all. That maybe He was waiting until I had the support system around me that I would need while going through it. That was definitely a thought that I clung to.
So, where to begin? How does one go about destroying the lies of the enemy that they’ve lived with almost their entire life? I could name a dozen different things from the Word, and they would all be true and they would all be good...but what’s your starting point? That was the question on my mind for the last week or so, and then Monday at cell group, we were talking about faith v. fear. What a great night...we read and discussed about 8 different verses from the bible and my spirit was just soaking it up. On Tuesday night, I had a night to myself so before going to bed I opened up my bible and started searching for the verse(s) that would speak directly to me. That’s something that I’ve learned to really depend on God for...and it’s something that’s helped me immensely over the past 5 years. When you’re going through circumstances - good and bad - God always has a SPECIFIC word that is true for your situation. You can read chapter after chapter in the bible, and of course it’s all truth..but it may not help you because it’s not the specific truth that’s going to “hit the bulls-eye”...so anyways... that’s what I was searching for...God’s specific, rhema truth for my situation. And initially, the verse that He brought me to didn’t seem to be it..but after meditating on it for a couple minutes...I got it!
Psalm 27: 1-3 (although the whole chapter is great..these were the verses that stuck out)
The LORD is my light and my salvation--so why should I be afraid? The LORD protects me from danger--so why should I tremble?
When evil people come to destroy me, when my enemies and foes attack me, they will stumble and fall.
Though a mighty army surrounds me, my heart will know no fear. Even if they attack me, I remain confident.
A simple enough verse..one that we’ve all heard many times right? And it’s funny, because up until recently, when I read verses like that (especially in Psalms) where they talk about our enemies being destroyed and even HOW they’re going to be destroyed...I used to feel uncomfortable and guilty because I thought...I don’t want that to happen to another person, no matter how much they’ve hurt me. However, I’ve recently heard it taught (and how weird that I never looked at it this way before) that those verses aren’t necessarily referring to people..that often times (and probably more often than not) they’re referring to the enemies of our fears, insecurities, etc. So in reading this verse with that in mind... it was a WOW moment. I didn’t hear the audible voice of God, I didn’t get a dream or a vision - but at that moment I KNEW that I was not alone. I can’t describe to you in words what that has meant to me over the past few days. I’m noticing the change in everything I do. Nothing externally has changed, life is still going on as usual, circumstances are still popping up like normal, but my mind is at peace. The God of all creation is with me, and fighting for me at all times!
This reminds me of an illustration that Jesse Duplantis gave one time (forgive me for my lack of details, it’s been a couple years)...he was telling the story of how when he was a kid, he would get bullied and picked on a lot and one day these big kids were bullying him in front of his house, calling him names and doing all those horrible things that kids can do to each other. And Jesse wasn’t really saying anything because he was afraid of them. When all of a sudden he realized that his mom was standing behind him with a baseball bat in her hand..and just like that, a boldness rose up in him and he was able to shout at those same bullies with confidence now because he knew that they couldn’t hurt him anymore.
How much more so should we feel when we know that God “has our back”? He is my impenetrable fortress!
What an incredible God we serve...