Well..it's been awhile since I've posted about what's going on with me. Still feels a little weird sometimes putting your heart out there...God's been doing so many things inside of me lately...teaching me and stretching me soooo much. The one thing that I want to share, ties in to a post that I wrote months ago..about wanting to KNOW the love of God.
Have you ever noticed that God usually will answer your prayers in ways that you're not expecting..so many times we don't even notice that He's answered our prayers until a couple days/weeks or even months after it's happened...all because it didn't come "wrapped up" the way we thought it would.
I've come to realize over the last 4 months or so..just how hard my heart has been. How closed up in so many areas...making it difficult - if not impossible at times - to truly experience and enjoy being loved...not only by God, but by the friends and family that He's blessed me with. I didn't have an understanding of how it felt to trust in the love that the people around me have been offering.
Well...let's just say that "the Lord works in mysterious ways". I have always had the desire to KNOW the love of God...BEFORE I got into a relationship. I had many reasons for this..but the ones that pertain to what I'm sharing are these...first of all..I wanted to have that sense of wholeness of knowing who I was in Christ and I felt that if I KNEW the love of God..then I would be in that place. Second of all..I knew that when I did get get into a relationship with someone...that I would have to work at finding the balance between my relationship with that man as well as my relationship with God. I knew that I would have to learn how to manage both and make both a priority. So the way I saw things..was that if I had that relationship and intimacy with God that I desired to have..BEFORE...then it would make the transition and changes easier to make.
Well...for whatever reason...God decided to wait until I was already in a relationship to help bring about the necessary changes in my heart to be able to receive the abundant love that He has for me. Because I felt like I hadn't gotten to that place yet with God..I almost felt like the man that I was with was God's "competition" (does that make sense?)...the reason that I felt that way..was because I could feel and experience his love in a way that I hadn't experienced yet with God. And yet...it was God pouring His love, through that man..that helped bring down the walls around my heart..that taught me to trust the words that He/he was speaking to me...that helped give me the confidence that this was for real.
I have never before experienced this...I believe that God has now brought me to a place where my heart is open like never before...and in ways that I never knew possible..and because of that...I feel like now I am in a place where I can FINALLY trust, know and experience the love of God in a way that I've always desired and never found. He has prepared my heart to receive the abundant, perfect and never-ending love that can only come from our Father. I am believing and expecting that this will bring about big changes in my relationship with God which in turn will enable and empower me to be able to love the people around me with a new love.
God is so gracious towards me...despite my sins, despite my shortcomings, despite my doubts and fears...He has been (and will continue to be) ever patient with me. His love is the one thing that will never change..never cease...and is so powerful that it can drive out all fear and cover a multitude of sin.
I am eternally grateful....